Fear of a world with no cheese toasties.

I have a secret love, but dare not speak its name.

Food.

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Actually, it’s not a secret.

Anyone who knows me knows I love food.

I love to cook, I love to eat, I even love just reading recipes!

But I’ve noticed over the last couple of years that I am becoming the last of a dying breed.

The whole world is being taken over by the Gluten Goblin, the Lactose Leper, and the Fructose Freak.

Suddenly no-one can eat anything!!!

I have a GF who I used to work with (hi number 1).

She always said she was fructose intolerant, meaning every time we went out to eat, she had to order her food with no onion, garlic, chili, or any other flavoursome deliciousness at all!

But she still always felt sick!

So then she though she must have Celiac disease, so she started eating gluten free bread and pasta.

But she still felt sick.

Finally she went and spent hundreds of dollars on tests.

Turns out she’s lactose intolerant.

It could possibly have been the chai latte and yoghurt in the mornings that were making her queasy….

My Bro-Lo too.

He was an excellent eater all his life.

Then BAM!

The Gluten Goblin got him.

In my office there is always more Soy milk than regular milk.

I don’t get it.

Why all of a sudden are people intolerant to such everyday foods?

I read an article once that said that it was all because of worms and that the computer generation of kids would all be intolerant of something.

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I should explain.

When I was a kid, I played outside.

I played in the mud.

I made pies in the sand pit and ate them.

I played with stray dogs.

I ate bugs.

I climbed (and fell out of) trees.

I was pretty much always outside rain, hail, or shine.

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According to this article, when you play in the mud, you get worms.

I got worms as a kid.

I liked the chocolate worm medicine.

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These worms apparently stay in your system and help break down things like gluten.

Kids who don’t play in the mud, don’t get worms.

Those indoor kids then have to buy gluten free bread and will never fully appreciate toast.

source: weheartit.com

I foresee a time in which there are no cheese toasties, and I weep for the future.

Frankly, I don’t think it would matter what it did to my body, even if I did wake myself up in the middle of the night with my own farts.

I would still eat cheese.

And butter.

And garlic.

And chili.

AND BREAD!

Bahaha an image just popped into my head of taking on entire armies weilding only a stick of garlic bread! 

source: weheartit.com

I beseech you all, please, make your kids play in the mud!

Do it for the cheese toasties!

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