Death by Seek.

A couple of weeks ago my beautiful assistant told me she's leaving me.

After a couple of weeks of tantrums, silent treatment and tears, I have come to terms with this.

So now I am on the recruitment train.

YAY?!

I don't know if you've ever had the pleasure of advertising a job on Seek or the like before, but this is how I picturing the application process going.

Search: Full time, Melbourne, all categories.....

Apply to all.

I have received applications from graffiti removalists, nail technicians, beauty therapists, astrophysicists (I shit you not!), mathematicians, and of course thousands of check-out chicks.

After trawling through all of these for the last 2 days and so far only having 2 interviews, I thought it might be helpful to all out there if I give you a few pointers on applying for a job.

1) Know the job title of the position you are applying for, and reference it correctly, for instance, if the job title is listed as 'accounts manager' you should probably call it that, and not 'sales assistant'.

2) If you are applying for an IT position, then don't tell me about how you'd love to pursue a career in fashion. This only tells me you'll leave when something in fashion comes along.

3) Use words that are found in the dictionary, meaning, don't make up your own. I'm still not sure if maximally is a word or not....

4) Check your resume for typos and spelling errors before sending it through. I go through them with a red pen and highlight all basic errors simply because the job ad states that 'good attention to detail' is required.

5) If the job ad says "the successful candidate will possess the following", you should probably check that you have some/all of those skills and/or qualifications before applying.

6) Apply for something that you have relevant experience in, 15 years as a nail technician will not necessarily give you the skills and experience required to be a payroll manager, no matter how much you try to pad you resume with size 22 font.

7) If you somehow make it through the screening process and receive a phone call regarding the role, elaborate a little on your answers to questions, "oh yeah I guess" is not helpful, this is your chance to sell yourself.



8) No matter what the job is, dress professionally. This does not mean your best pair of jeans and polo shirt. Business apparel only.

9) At the interview, try not to look like you're peeing your pants, relax, but be professional in your responses. Somewhere between sheer terror and professional know-it-all is where you want to be.

10) When asked "do you know much about the business?", it's great that you did your research, but I don't need you to quote the 'about' section of the website back to me.

11) Ask relevant questions.

12) If you have applied and not received a phone call, do not call and hound the HR department. You weren't suitable, build a bridge and get over it.

13) If your interview lasts 20 minutes or less, it probably didn't go well.

If we could all follow these simple rules I think the process would be much happier for all involved.

I might find someone to hire.

You might get a job.

Everybody WINS!!

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